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Dig in to your experience, what you’re interested in and passionate about, and be generous with that. Your job is to establish rapport and common ground, not swing your big …brain.The guys here at Primer have, at different times, been in the New York, Los Angeles, and Denver dating scenes off and on for years. I’ll risk you breaking my nose trying boxing if you’re down for [your favorite local adventure/cocktail spot/etc.] If you’re thinking, “I don’t have time for that!Examine their bio and images for something specific that you have in common. Second, it invites your match to share something about themselves.It can be anything, but it needs to be something you share – even just an interest in travel. Third, it gives you a topic to begin and expand into a real conversation. If their pictures or bio don’t give you anything to work with, move on. After you’ve suggested a shared interest, be generous with your personality, opinions, and passions. Psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman has written about this in his excellent book Humor signals both intelligence and the ability to win others over, both traits highly desirable in a potential heavy petting partner.Second, it pays to be confident and specific in setting up a meeting but you should still send signals she can have as much control over how and when as she wants.For example, after you’ve gotten the green light to meet up, be with a message like, “I'm free Friday, or if early next week is more convenient Tuesday works too.” You want a firm commitment to a specific time (for dealing with flakes) but to let her know she’s the ultimate decider.

Notice we didn’t say, “a connection,” because these things can’t be engineered (despite the advice of an industry of dating advice and pickup artists). You can, however, give yourself the best possible chance of a genuine connection by being generous with your personality and interests (more on that below), being playful right out of the gate, and being vulnerable when it’s appropriate.

If you’re the kind of guy who does this, stop reading this article, get off the apps, and seek help.

For most guys, however, it means just a few commonsense best practices. Flirt, but keep it G or PG until you’re face to face.

Apply that to who you (really) are and trust that the right people will connect with it.

This advice is given from the perspective of men seeking women (since that's largely our experience), but it applies to everyone.